Healing Sorrow. Finding Joy.
I’ve learned firsthand, many times, that trauma resides hidden in the body and emotional systems until wounds are aired, noticed, and expressed. I know this now. Indigenous communities and elders have long known this, and now trauma researchers. Current research arguably indicates that healing trauma and sorrow through the body is the quickest, deepest way to heal. And that brings back the capacity for joy, deeper joy.
As a freshman in college, I was intrigued and excited to see the course Death and Dying offered. The semester course was based on the groundbreaking (in Western society) work of researcher Elizabeth Kubler-Ross on grief, death, and dying. It was the late 1970s, and not many students signed up for the class. Death and dying were not a popular class topic.
I was so grateful to be there. I was getting insights into the grief process, which is what I was going through then with no roadmap or support.
The year before my beloved father had died suddenly and unexpectedly from his second heart attack. He was 44 years old, and a father of 5 daughters ages 7-19. I was 17. My mom moved us to a new city, with no familiar supports in place for her or us.
I didn’t cry for 3 years after my dad’s death. A college friend group (a group of seminarian students) and nature helped me thaw out some. Healing came from nature and a caring community group. That early loss deeply impacted me, in ways I wouldn’t discern until decades later. I became a student of grief, healing, and trauma with the desire to help heal myself, and others.
Through my Somatic Experiencing® (SE) experiences and training, I’ve experienced deep emotional, trauma, and intergenerational healing of decades-old wounds and losses. Some early childhood traumas. SE has been a lifesaver, as well as a spiritual healer.
I started the SE practitioner trauma healing training in 2023 with no intention of getting a certification. I just wanted the course info. I’m now in my final year of SE certification, in Advanced Level programs, and the healing learnings continue to deepen.
Life experiences, hard and pleasant, are gifts in different ways. My ‘life gifts’ have influenced and taught me. And seeded my life purpose, my ‘why’ for my life work right now. Sorrow, grief, and joy are guides.
THINGS I KNOW
Sorrow is part of life. If you love, sorrow will show up at times. Sorrow can be tough. But it's also a teacher.
Working with sorrow heals. It opens our hearts. Sorrow helps us connect. It reminds us we're not alone. We feel deeply, and that's okay.
Growth happens when we face our pain. It's a journey, not a destination. We become stronger and wiser.
SORROW IS POWERFUL AND TRANSFORMATIVE
Last month I finished reading “The Wild Edge of Sorrow" by Francis Weller. A friend and SE (Somatic Experiencing) colleague had reminded me of the book, saying it helped him in his ancestral grief work healing.
I had the unread book, as I’d bought it in 2021 for an Enneagram & Conscious Living Certification (ECLL) course I was then taking. The ECLL 2-year program led by Russ Hudson and Jessica Biehl was intense. I’d started the book, and not finished it. I was overwhelmed with reading materials.
I was grateful to be reminded of the book, a gem. As Francis Weller says, "The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them.”
SHINING THE LIGHT ON SORROW INVITES JOY BACK IN
Below are 5 quotes from "The Wild Edge of Sorrow" by Francis Weller..
Grief and Love as Sisters: "Grief and love are sisters, woven together from the beginning. Their kinship reminds us that there is no love that does not contain loss and no loss that is not a reminder of the love we carry for what we once held close".
The Necessity of Grief: "Grief is subversive, undermining the quiet agreement to behave and be in control of our emotions. It is an act of protest that declares our refusal to live numb and small. Grief is necessary to the vitality of the soul".
Carrying Grief and Gratitude: "The work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them. How much sorrow can I hold? That’s how much gratitude I can give".
Grief as Transformation: "Grief offers a wild alchemy that transmutes suffering into fertile ground. We are made real and tangible by the experience of sorrow, adding substance and weight to our world".
The Importance of Community in Grief: "Grief has always been communal, always been shared and consequently has traditionally been regarded as a sacred process".
Science shows us that when one emotion is cut off, the other emotions get repressed. That’s been my experience for sure. A gift of grief work, working with sorrow, is that joy feels welcome to return and show up again. And, it deepens our humanity and connection to life.
This has been true for me.
For more on Grief Healing, here’s my blog on 6 Gateways to Grief.
Want trauma-healing support? I can be a healing support resource. I’m a SE (Somatic Experiencing) trained practitioner (Advanced Level certification process), as well as a transition and growth coach. I’m currently accepting new SE clients. Discount for local WNC residents. Please email me for information, scheduling, or questions at susan@intentionalgrowth.org.