6 Gateways to Grief

Photo by Jake Fagan.

During my trauma-healing SE Somatic Experiencing training over the last 2 years, I’ve learned that unacknowledged grief is a destroyer of life force; of joy. It can keep one stuck. That’s been true for me, at many times in my life journey.

I’ve also learned through SE training that hidden under the grief is often fear. Not always, and often.

When fear is held in the body, it may be hidden under another emotion, like anger or grief. By discovering and naming the hidden fear, real and powerful healing happens. It can happen quickly, with healing releases possible in one session.

Are you experiencing or stuck in grief? Acknowledging your stuckness in grief is the first step to moving through to healing. And more life energy.

Francis Weller originally identified five "Gateways to Grief" in his book "The Wild Edge of Sorrow." More than 5 gateways are now identified, as other thought leaders have suggested additional ones. Here are Weller’s five gateways and an additional one that is commonly named:

1. Everything We Love, We Will Lose
   This gateway acknowledges that loss is an inherent part of life. It includes the loss of loved ones, relationships, health, roles, and even life itself.

2. The Places That Have Not Known Love
   This refers to parts of ourselves that have been neglected, hurt, or traumatized. It involves areas where love and compassion are needed but have been absent.

3. The Sorrows of the World
   This gateway involves feeling sorrow for global issues such as suffering, environmental degradation, and the loss of natural beauty.

4. What We Expected and Did Not Receive
   This includes unmet expectations and longings, such as a desire for community, recognition, or fulfillment of potential.

5. Ancestral Grief
   This involves the unhealed trauma and pain passed down through generations, often related to historical injustices or cultural losses.

6. The Harm We’ve Caused to Self and Others
   This gateway, added by Sophy Banks and Azul Thome with Francis Weller's blessing, focuses on recognizing and taking responsibility for harm caused to oneself or others. It includes regret and remorse for past actions or inactions.

Weller's work has inspired additional gateways, such as trauma and anticipatory grief. I agree that there are other grief gateways, such as trauma and anticipatory grief. I’ve experienced and seen anticipatory grief around an uncertain life change, and grief from traumas.

Powerful healing happens when an individual moves into their grief work. Indigenous communities and family constellation /system dynamics practitioners know the cascading benefits of grief healing to the present (the person), the future (generations to come and the collective), and the past (your ancestors). As a family constellation/ system dynamics practitioner, I’ve experienced this.

Want trauma-healing support? I can be a healing support resource. I’m a SE (Somatic Experiencing) trained practitioner (Advanced Level certification process), as well as a transition and growth coach. I’m currently accepting new SE clients. Please email me to connect for information, scheduling, or questions at susan@intentionalgrowth.org.